Lies. Lies revolve around my crazy mind. Lies keeping me from being stuck behind. Lies putting me out of my mind. Lies …
Ever since childhood, I was taught not to trust any other people other than myself. It was also engraved on my mind that people were only good thinking only for themselves. People won’t give even a single thought on you nor on somebody else. I was isolated to the outside world as much as my parents could do, so I could have the perception of the world we all live in as a cruel and inhumane one. It made me think I could feel the best at our own comforts. At first, I truly believed they were wrong. Maybe, it was just a result of a mayhem somewhere in their own lives. However, with what is happening right now in my life, I am gradually believing they were right from the start.
I rarely pay attention to my friends who greets me a “Hi”, “Good morning”, or even a simple raise of eyebrows. I frequently get the feeling they seem to be obligated to do such or could it be those were not actually meant for me, or could it also because what I hear is not effectively in sync with what I truly see in their facial expressions. Why did I say so? If I were to recollect every single interaction I had with them day-by-day, most were actually simpler-than-simple greetings.
I am only recognized whenever wanted. I am only called whenever needed. Otherwise, I’m just a useless, worthless human being. I feel like a foot rug.
Imagine how painful and difficult it is for me, who has no one left to talk to and no one left to open up and ease up things for me, to handle each passing day of my life with the trusted and valued people in my life away from my picture. What happened to “I am always right here for you” thing? What happened to “Because you’re my friend” thing? Isn’t it friends always stick together until the end? Isn’t it friends support each other with anything coming towards each other’s lives? I do not really know now what is true and what isn’t. I’m tired of being given empty responses. I’m tired of having a ‘Seen’ as a response. I’ve got enough of believing and expecting for all of them to hold on to their own promises. I’ve got enough of expecting someone would help me overcome every single problem life has to offer.
Can you help me? What should I do? Is there something wrong with me? Am I just an attention seeker? Am I going beyond the line? I won’t be expecting any reply from you. You might be one of them. Right now, I know I am living in a world full of lies. Full of fake entities, full of sadness, which seems to be never ending. Then, I realized my existence was the biggest lie of all.