If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her?
– Ronan Keatin, “If Tomorrow Never Comes”
As I lie down on my bed, I remembered those days. Those days that we spent together. Those days that we exchanged laughters and memories together. Those days that I was with you. Those days that I had you.
It all started with a single Facebook post. Someone was asking for a classmate in a certain class, because that person thought that she was alone. Yes. I am one of those many people that person was looking for. I hesitated to reply back, because I am afraid. I am afraid to mingle, talk, and even see other people, other than my parents and relatives. I am an introvert. A highly introvert person. I tried to read that specific post again a couple of minutes later, and then my eyes were diverted to a person’s name. That “someone” who posted that specific post is a girl, and it was you. A simple, cute young lady. I thought that you could be a great acquaintance and a stepping stone for my journey to the outside world. I am not that satisfied anymore in staying on my own comfort zone.
So I replied. After a couple of minutes, a stranger sent me a message, confirming if I do belong on the same class as this person. I remembered that it was you. On our first set of conversations, it was a bit awkward, since I am conversing with a person I have not ever met before, and just meeting that person on Facebook.
As our conversation progressed as time passed by, it becomes less awkward, until it came to the point that we became good friends. We even tell jokes to each other, spend time together, and sharing memories together, as good friends should do. I came to know you better, and eventually I tend to like you. Like, a lot. I really liked your simplicity, your kindness, your… simply you. I can simply say that I liked you just the way you are. But then, I couldn’t tell you about how I feel, up until now. It is just simply because of that I am a coward, a weakling. I cannot have that level of courage required for me to tell you what I have towards you.
The semester has ended, without letting you know about it. More than that of the end of the semester, I was not able to see you around anymore. I cannot even send you a message, because, again, I am a weakling, a coward. I feel like I wasted a semester because of something I must have done before. I feel frustrated with my self, because you did not even knew, nor did get a hint, that I have this special emotion towards you. I cannot even visualize my self anymore being with you, because I feel really down for what had happened.
Up until now, even until this moment that I lie on my bed, reminiscing about these things, I cannot even say that I am now ready for it, since it is over. Every thing was over. Oh, how I wish that I could turn back time, as impossible as it may seem, just to tell you that I really liked you a lot. But then, it happened. Everything has just happened. All I can do now is to wait for that time that I can see you again, and unrelentlessly tell you about how I feel towards you.